who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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