Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Randomize
