put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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