I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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