So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
