Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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