South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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