You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
