Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
