Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i've created a new STD.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
