The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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