I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
