sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
