It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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