What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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