I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
