we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
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