I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
