She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
