I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
