I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
