Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
