oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
