Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
