OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
