That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
