woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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