About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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