Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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