is your mom at the bar?
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
