You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
