what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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