talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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