i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
