That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
