if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
