You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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