Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
