I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
