he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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