we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
