I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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