she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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