went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
