She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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