I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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