Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
