what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
