Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
