I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
