I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
