He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
