i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
