Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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